Fascists Everywhere

You can't get away from these tyrants; no matter how hard you try. They are everywhere, they seem to breed like rabbits, and the sheeple of this nation are in love with them. Who are these people? Fascists.

In the past five days alone I have encountered more of these episodes than I can stomach. The first started out innocently enough, but rapidly degenerated. My children asked me to purchase a Ouija Board for them. No problem, right? Not by a long shot.

Did you know that you can't even buy one of these at my local Wal-Mart? 'Not available, not even stocked.' How about Kmart? 'Sorry, we don't sell those.' Say what? How can this be? This is a standard Parker Brothers board game that has been a staple of childhood for years, but not anymore, thanks to anti-occult fascists.

Next, I tried the local funky jewelry and magic store. 'We're out, they're on back order.' How about the local import place with all of the knickknacks and wall hangings? After some searching, the clerk found a miniature version about 3' long. I passed. I wanted the real deal, a full-size Ouija Board, and no substitutes. How hard could this be?

Finally, I tried the local hobby shop that also sells games. They had one in stock, the last Ouija Board in town. When I attempted to buy it, the clerk was dumbfounded. He had no clue what the price was. He asked me to go check for another one on the shelf. I informed him that this was the last one on the shelf. After taking two incoming phone calls and some frantic paper shuffling, he eventually called someone else, asking them for the retail price of a Ouija Board.

He proudly announced, '$24.95.' I was shocked. A Ouija Board is nothing more than a piece of cardboard with a plastic planchette. No moving parts, no metal, no electronics, no wiring, no batteries, nothing special. How could it possibly retail for $24.95? While I dug in my wallet for more cash, I knew that something wasn't quite right, but I let it pass. My search was over; I had my Ouija Board. The kids would be happy.

Several days later, I made a speed run to another city 70 miles away to check out some truck campers. After an hour, I located a salesman and asked him why his dealership didn't have their annual Spring RV Show in my hometown this year, just like every other year. His answer floored me. 'It's illegal. California passed a law that prohibits dealers from selling RVs more than 50 miles from the dealership.'

Once again, I couldn't believe it. He continued, '[His competitor] still goes over to [my hometown], but they get around it [the new law] by not 'selling' any RVs. They just 'show' them. If you want to buy one, you still have to drive 100 miles to their dealership to close the deal.'

Bingo! The light finally came on. The fascists were up to no good again. In a socialist State, free markets cannot be tolerated. Politicians and local businessman will always team up to 'protect' local businesses from 'unfair' competition. Getting re-elected is all that matters, and votes are the lifeblood of fascists everywhere.

But what happens to the consumer? The usual: Higher prices, poor selection, little or no local inventory, and long drives out of town just to look or make a purchase. As always, when the State gets involved, the Law of Unintended Consequences works against consumers, while politicians just get re-elected. The 'solution' is always the same: If that didn't work, pass some more 'protective' legislation that will!

When I relayed the Ouija Board episode to a friend, he replied, '[My hometown] also recently passed an ordinance that heavily restricts an outside car dealership's ability to bring cars in and sell them in the local Kmart parking lot.' Once again, the State must 'protect' local dealerships by keeping competition out, local inventories low, and car prices high. The local city fascists are no better than those in Sacramento.

When I asked the clerk at the hobby shop why Ouija Boards were so scarce, he replied, 'They're just hard to get.' Sure they are, thanks to the anti-occult fascists. This is a popular board game that is available nationwide, but not at my local Wal-Mart or Kmart. After searching the web, I found that Toys-R-Us sells them for $16.99, yet I paid $26.76, including $1.81 for Gray Davis. Such a deal; a 57% fascist tax on Ouija Boards.

My speed run to look at truck campers cost me $12; 'money' that I would still have had I not been forced to drive 140 miles to see some, thanks to California fascists. That's a $12 fascist tax on looking at truck campers.

But the worst was yet to come. Fascists in Teton County, Wyoming recently passed an ordinance that bans feeding wildlife on private property. Now, if you feed a squirrel in your own backyard you can be fined up to $750.

What voting gets you: The tyranny of special interest groups and politicians that pander to them. They are all just fascists. Dump the State.

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Joe Blow is a privacy advocate with proven subspecialties in strategic planning.  Note: Pirate Poop is now a free newsletter, available by email only. Send all subscription requests to joeblow073@yahoo.com