Lexicon for a New American Century

9/11 - attack on World Trade Center. See Osama bin Laden, freedom.

Bill of Rights - amendments 1-10 of the Constitution; archaic; largely irrelevant.

bush - noun a : SHRUB; especially : a low densely branched shrub b : a PRESIDENT, also low and dense.

bush - adjective MINOR LEAGUE -- Etymology: short for bush-league : falling below acceptable standards : UNPROFESSIONAL <bush behavior> "It is so bush to mispronounciate common words."

bush - verb - transitive senses : to bush, to support, mark, or protect with bushes, as in "The country has been Bushed."

bushes - plural of bush; American politicians a: George Herbert Walker - 41st president of the U.S.; liberated Kuwait from Iraqi conquest (1991) b: George Walker - 43rd president of the U.S.; liberated Iraq from Iraqi conquest c: Jeb - Governor of Florida; liberated Florida from Democratic conquest.

bushwa - noun slang for dried cattle or buffalo dung. Term used by polite people who don't want to use "bullshit" when referring to something nonsensical or unbelievable, as in Presidential utterances.

bushwhack verb - transitive senses : AMBUSH; See Presidential Election, 2000. In practice the same as gore, but politically opposite.

bushy - full of or overgrown with bushes. As in Washington, D.C.

CentCom - abbreviation for Central Command, from which Operation Iraqi Freedom was conducted and, more importantly, from which press releases were given. Also known as CNN.

Cheney, Richard Halliburton - Vice President of United States, rarely seen in public. Theorized to be Saddam Hussein, since both rarely seen and never seen together.

CNN - see CentCom. Also see Fox.

Coalition for Iraqi Freedom - a group of over forty nations consisting of the United States of America, Britain, and other important countries (Costa Rica, Eritrea, Latvia, Marshall Islands, Micronesia, Palau, and Slovakia, among others. Tonga, formerly reported as a coalition member, declined membership.)

Coalition Forces - an armed military force engaged in Operation Iraqi Freedom, consisting of troops from the United States of America, Britain, and Inner Nablonga, which has committed a squad for post-war cleanup operations, i.e. sweeping out CentCom.

Congress - formerly considered to be one of the three checks and balances of Federal government. Since 1945, approves spending for wars declared by President. See warlord.

Constitution - a document declared by Congress to be no longer relevant to the processes of government, especially in declaring war. Or for the protection of privacy. Or for freedom of movement. Or for freedom of association.

country - United States of America. Not to be confused with the government.

Declaration of War archaic duty of Congress, now considered irrelevant as stated by Congressman Henry Hyde: "There are things in the Constitution that have been overtaken by events, by time. Declaration of war is one of them. There are things no longer relevant to a modern society. Why declare war if you don't have to? We are saying to the President, use your judgment . . . . Inappropriate, anachronistic, it isn't done anymore." See warlord.

democracy - the theory that the majority rules; i.e., when four thugs beat up an old lady and take her purse, it's because they "outvoted" her.

Fox - see CentCom.

freedom - a: something that is worth being forced on people who don't have it, even if they don't want it. It's for their own good, whether they like it or not. See Operation Iraqi Freedom b: What Osama bin Laden is jealous of and why he blew up the World Trade Center. See Saudi royal family, holy ground.

gore - transitive verb : to pierce or wound with something pointed (as a horn or knife or politician's head); in practice the same as bushwhack, but politically the opposite.

holy ground - Saudi Arabia, to Osama Bin Laden; the U.S. occupation of which was not the reason for the attack on the World Trade Center.

Murphy's Law - "If something can go wrong, it will." See Pentagon.

O'Toole's Comment on Murphy's Law - "Murphy was an optimist."

oil - not the reason for the military aggression waged against Iraq.

Operation Iraqi Freedom - term for military aggression waged on the country of Iraq in 2003 by Coalition Forces. Chosen after most nations of the world failed to rally under the terms "War on Terrorism," and "War on Weapons of Mass Destruction," and "War on Rarely-Seen Tyrants."

Osama bin Laden - a : perpetrator of attack on World Trade Center b : evader of capture by entire intelligence and armed forces of United States government c : variously known as Osama bin Hidin', Osama bin Laughin', Dead man walkin'.

Patriot - one who supports the troops.

Pentagon - headquarters of Department of Defense (and Offense). Large building with four walls and a spare. Monument to Murphy's Law.

people (sometimes "We the") - formerly protected by the Constitution and the Bill of Rights before those were declared irrelevant by Congress.

President - a : the office that the Congress was designated to check and balance. No longer being done; Congress can't even balance its own checkbook. b : Commander-in-Chief of armed forces. See warlord.

privacy - a : former right of the people b : outlawed under the USA PATRIOT Act. See Bill of Rights.

Saddam Hussein - dictator of Iraq, rarely seen in public. Variously described as madman, tyrant, bloodsucker, and unfashionably dressed. Known to send clones in harm's way. Object of regime change. See Cheney.

Saudi royal family - corrupt group in charge of Saudi Arabia with U.S. support; opposed by Osama bin Laden; support of which by the U.S. was not the reason bin Laden attacked the World Trade Center.

support the troops - A multi-step process, usually consisting of: 1-close eyes, 2-close mouth, 3-nod head, 4-wave Flag, 5-remove conscience.

regime change - a : military action to depose Saddam Hussein for the good of his own people, not our good. It's for the Iraqis, not for us. See bushwhack, oil.

United States of America - a : singular: referring to the USA as one nation, indivisible, under bushes. b : plural : archaic; a federation of independent, sovereign states, as in "these united states," which incorporated the Federal government to transact unimportant business, leaving important matters to the states themselves, or to the people.

USA PATRIOT Act - oxymoronically named legislation; typical of Congress.

war - a : can only be declared by Congress, according to the Constitution; b : declared by President since 1945. See Declaration of War, warlord.

War on Terrorism - the first choice of terms for the current military aggression being waged on the country of Iraq. Dropped when no link could be found between the country of Iraq and 9/11.

War Against Weapons of Mass Destruction - justification for military aggression waged against country of Iraq after link between Iraq and 9/11 could not be made. Subsequently dropped in favor of Operation Iraqi Freedom.

warlord noun 1 : a supreme military leader 2 : a military commander exercising civil power by force usually in a limited area 3 : President

Washington, D.C. - Washington, a city located in the District of Chaos (D.C.). Named after the first President, who can be heard spinning in his grave at what has been wrought in his name.

Weapons of Mass Destruction - weapons supplied to Iraq by the United States of America for indiscriminate use on other nations and Iraqi citizens. Object of a fervent search for post facto justification of Operation Iraqi Freedom.

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Joseph S. Bommarito's picture
Columns on STR: 17

Joseph Bommarito was a freelance writer who lived in Georgia.  He passed away on January 3, 2005.  Comments can be sent to his wife Sally.