British Bulldog, or Cringing Cur?

So much for Empire! Britons nowadays--or at least those inclined to delusions of grandeur--can only look back with nostalgia as they watch such series as Jewel in the Crown, portraying richly gowned freckled ladies, sipping Earl Grey from a teapot pre-heated by faithful turbaned retainers, while their pompous safari-suit clad husbands announce: 'By George! Is it time for tea already?'

In today's world, the tables have turned and now it's the Brits who are pouring the tea, or rather coffee, metaphorically speaking, for American generals and neo-imperialistic civil administrators.

Britons should wake up to the fact not only have they relinquished Empire, as was right, they have become subservient to a New World Empire, conceived of and run by Washington neo-Cons, lunatic Born-agains, and Zionists, both Christian and Jewish.

Let's face it! The British public has absolutely no say in anything any more, which was apparent when two million Brits were driven to protest in London against the invasion in Iraq and opinion polls suggested that over 80% of British citizens were anti-war.

It soon became clear that what Britons wanted and didn't want was not the issue. America coveted Iraq and America got Iraq , leaving the British Prime Minister hanging on to his office by his threadbare 'article of faith' that Iraq has dastardly weapons, which can destroy the planet in a breathtaking 45 minutes. Just the time it would take to delicately devour a few cucumber sandwiches without the crusts, and some scones with clotted cream.

We saw how the red-necked Jay Garner, America's first choice for Iraq's head honcho, sashayed around in clothes looking as though they came from Oxfam--on the rare occasions he emerged from his palace filched from Saddam--while his British sidekick followed along behind studiously scribbling.

Garner soon cottoned on that dressing down in the Arab world for those in charge isn't quite the thing, but too late. His suave and niftily attired successor Paul Bremer was there in the wings. Now even his distinguished looking British note-taker shadow has faded into obscurity. His name has even escaped me.

So what did Britain get out of its 'partnership' in Iraq ? Certainly not reconstruction contracts! They went to White House cronies.

Oil? Not likely! U.S. oil companies are already circling around the prey.

International prestige? After all, we helped 'liberate' the long-suffering Iraqis from the yoke of Saddam. On the contrary anti-Anglo sentiment is almost as high on the streets of Europe , the Mid-East and South-East Asia as anti-Americanism 'thanks' to the invasion.

The British taxpayer didn't benefit. Britain has spent billions on the war effort, the coffers are emptied and taxes look likely to rise.

Eureka ! I've got it. Britain now has unprecedented clout with the world's only Superpower . . . well . . . Tony Blair has been privileged with two invites to the Ranch don't you know. Eat your heart out Jacques! You were a bad boy so you go to the end of the queue.

Even the Queen is curtseying to American diktats. She struggled with protocol after Diana's death reluctantly giving in to public pressure to lower the flag over Buckingham Palace to half-mast. Yet, there was no such hesitation after 9-11. The flag came down pronto with ne'er a blip. Yes, it was tragic. Yes, some 3,000 died on that day but what about the millions who have been killed in Rwanda . There were no memorial services for them. They hardly got a mention.

In reality, the British should unpack their great grandfather's cloth caps and practice the art of doffing in front of the star spangled banner.

It's patently obvious that we Brits have no say in our own affairs when a total of nine British men are being incarcerated in the Bay of Hell against a background of objections from Blair, Jack Straw, and a host of Members of Parliament who are describing the proposed secret military tribunals as "kangaroo courts."

But Britain 's subservience doesn't stop with signing a one-way extradition treaty and a bi-lateral agreement, which excludes Britain from handing over Americans to the International Criminal Court, while Britons are fair game. It also extends to Israel , America 's client state.

That's a place where British journalists and charity workers provide target practice for the misnamed Israeli Defense Forces without even a murmur from Whitehall or the White House, let alone an investigation or a splutter in diplomatic relations with Israel .

Cherie Blair, who dared to suggest that Palestinian suicide bombers are driven by desperation, couldn't apologize fast enough when the Israeli embassy in London objected to that statement. Yet, when Ian Hook was murdered, yes murdered, did Israel say it was sorry? Not on your gefilte fish!

So there you are Britain . If you are content to carry on with your soft shoe shuffle to the tunes of God Bless America and Hava Nagila then fine! If not, stop the muted moaning and stand up to be counted.

Getting the Brits home from Guantanamo is a test. If your favored ally, supposed partner and, arguably, best friend tells you "on your bike," then what does that make you? An impotent stooge, that's what.

Until the British government manages half the gumption of the BBC, it will be destined to do America 's dirty work without even a pretty please or a thank you . . . and it will be expected to cough up for the pleasure.

Anyone for tennis, chaps? Hmm! Thought not. Big Brother, bilious burgers, bigoted anti-Moslems and Blair-ite B.S. have taken over our misty Atlantic island.

Isn't it enough that Britain 's clone-like high streets have been swamped with Americana and its leaders browbeaten? It's time the British took back their own identity and their own sovereignty.

If Britain carries on putting U.S. interests first, it will eventually be so distanced from and mistrusted by Europe that it will be asked to leave the EU. The United Kingdom would then be wholly dependent upon America for trade in geopolitical isolation.

Any Nikes need polishing?

Does this make me anti-American? No it doesn't. I've nothing against our cousins across the pond. They speak our language, or almost, dress like us and generally hold similar views. It's their taste in leaders to which I object. How the heck did they manage to land themselves with an incoherent, mealy-mouthed, gung-ho caricature of a cowboy in the White House?

How can they bear him urging Iraqi militants to attack their own boys? Or, swaggering on the deck of an aircraft carrier complete with flight jacket, when he had wriggled his way out of combat himself? What do they feel when they listen to all this "wanted, dead or alive" stuff or "you are either with the U.S. or with the terrorists." Hey, don't tempt me!

Perhaps this is our punishment for lording it over the indigenous populations of Africa , shooting its wildlife, selling its people as slaves, and stealing their gold and precious stones.

Could it be that in a what goes around, comes around fashion, we are now paying the karmic price for plundering India, handing over Palestine which didn't belong to us, stealing the ancient treasures of Egypt and walking off with the Elgin Marbles?

It could be but it isn't. The fact is the ball is in Britain 's court. Its destiny is in the hands of Britons, if only they realized it instead of being drenched in apathy and ignorance.

If Britain and its people want to exist in servitude pretending to be a democracy, wage America 's wars, content to be America 's fall guy, then it might as well petition to be the 51^st state and be done with it.

Better to be an official appendage, than having the name and the blame with nothing to gain.

At least then my compatriots would be assured of equitable judicial process, a stake in the upcoming Iraqi oil grab and an entr'e into the boardrooms of Halliburton and Carlyle. Oops! I forgot. John Major is already there. Watch that space. Tony B. Liar could be next.

The Poodle's already set to be honored with America 's most prestigious award the Congressional Gold Medal. The last British politician to receive it was Churchill post-World War II. Blair is no Churchill and he wouldn't be getting any medals if most Britons had their way . . . unless it was "The Yellow Badge of Lackeydom" in the form of a gold plated doggy biscuit.

Have a nice day y'all! Woof! Woof!