Funny Money

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One thing that I always get a kick out of is when I buy something with my fake Federal Reserve Notes, and the Cashier whips out her magic pen. You know the one I am talking about, the one that is able to distinguish between the counterfeit notes that the Federal Reserve prints, and the ones the average novice counterfeiter prints. With a swipe of the pen, they have assured themselves that the notes I have given them are legal tender. I always wonder if they have ever given any thought to the fact that all U.S. currency is counterfeit.

Of course being the smart ass that I am, I can't help but screw with them. I usually start by making a sly comment like, 'Those are good, I just printed them this morning.' Which always gets a chuckle out of them; they are not going to fall for that one. Then I ask them how they know the bills that I gave them are real? If they are aware of how the magic pen works, they will tell me it knows how to tell the difference between 'real' money and 'fake' money by the color of the mark on the bill. Apparently only the bills counterfeited by the FEDS will leave a yellow mark when the magic pen is swiped across them. This always begins what will be a series of very strange looks by them.

I will start by asking them what makes our money 'real' in the first place. Of course the reply is usually something about 'real' money is printed by our government. My next question is what makes the money they print real? By now the strange looks have become more prevalent, and they are starting to look a little frightened. Usually they have no answer to this other than something like, 'Duh, I don't know.' I then go on to explain how all of our money is counterfeit and not backed up by anything other than the government's word (and we all know how good that is).

By now they are just trying to get me through the line as quickly as possible, convinced that I am obviously crazy for having such thoughts. They are worried that I may freak out and start taking hostages, or worse, bust a cap in someone's ass. Of course I look them in the eye, smile and laugh on my way out the door. I have been told that I have a strange sense of humor, and maybe I do. I must admit, I do get great enjoyment from tormenting sheep. Childish, you say? Maybe, but it beats tipping cows.

I am still amazed at how many people believe they are carrying around real money in their wallets. Most people do not realize that the Federal Reserve Notes that they spend have no value at all. If someone disputes this, all they have to do is go to the FEDS' own website and read it with their own eyes under 'legal tender status', question #2. When you get to the bottom it will explain that the notes are not backed by anything, and have no value. There was a time in this country when a person could take the currency that they had to a bank, and trade in their promissory notes for real commodities such as silver and gold. After all, that is what a promissory note is, an IOU, a guarantee that real money is securing the mere paper that it is printed on. Without this, it really is not worth more than the paper it's printed on.

The Federal Reserve is neither Federal, nor is it a reserve; it is actually a corporation. In 1913, one of the biggest scams in the history of our country was pulled on the American people. According to our own words scribbled on parchment, only Congress shall have the power to coin money, and regulate the value thereof. Then how is it that foreign banks now control our money in the way of Federal Reserve Notes? How is it that a corporation that claims to have only $63 million in securities and a total net worth of $303 million, claims to be able to guarantee over $630 billion of fake Federal Reserve Notes in circulation today?

Other corporations like Enron and WorldCom were brought up on numerous charges, and people went to prison. Don't expect to see any breaking news about this scandal on the evening news, because it won't happen. The only reason other corporations can't get away with this type of fraud is because the government hates competition.

The only way to stop this scam is to stop investing in Federal Reserve Notes. There are plenty of places to get real money; we don't have to continue to finance this Ponzi scheme. Invest in real money, hide as much as you can, and cut these bastards off. The only way we can win is to stop feeding the monster; it's time to kill Leviathan.

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Mike Wasdin's picture
Columns on STR: 46

Mike Wasdin is an Anarcho-Capitalist from Phoenix, Arizona. He also moderates an anti-government website on Yahoo.