The War on Bust

Exclusive to STR

Pamela Anderson is best known for her (surgically enhanced) well endowed bust and her raunchy videos that leave little to the imagination. Lately Ms. Anderson has attempted to destroy someone else's bust. She has asked Kentucky Governor Ernie Fletcher to remove the bust of Harland Sanders (AKA Colonel Sanders) founder of the Kentucky Fried Chicken (KFC) restaurant chain from the State Capitol. The Governor has refused Ms. Anderson's request to remove the Colonel's bust.

Ms. Anderson's request came with the backing of PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals). They claim that the chickens eaten at KFC are treated inhumanely and are put to death in atrocious ways. PETA advocates for animal rights that put animals on the same level as humans. They would also like to see all humans become not just vegetarians but vegans. There's nothing wrong with PETA's attempt to turn us all into leaf eaters by peaceful persuasion, but their attempt to lift animals to the level of humans only exposes their deep felt contempt for humanity itself (one I must admit I sometimes share, for different reasons). Maybe Pamela just feels a bit of professional jealousy for the Colonel since his restaurants serve big, juicy and succulent breast.

Recently I had a tumor removed from my eight-year-old German Shepherd, Thor. Notice I said I had it removed since Thor, who is a (by dog standards) cognizant adult male canine, could not make that decision for himself. Thor may know that he does not feel well but he has no clue as to why he feels the way he does or what he must do to feel better, and he never will. Unfortunately, the tumor removed (by a human) was Squamous Cell Carcinoma: a very aggressive form of cancer. Thor does not know that he has an incurable disease or that he is going to die soon (not necessarily a bad thing). Thor will be treated well--as he always has been--and eat lots of steak, pork and chicken (don't tell PETA) in the coming days, until it becomes apparent that he is in pain and no longer enjoying his existence, at which point I will choose to put him to 'sleep.'

A cow may share some of our physiological components, but the most intelligent one among them can't design and build a car on its most lucid day. Even if humans stopped eating animals, animals would surely not stop eating animals. When was the last time you saw a vegan lion?

The Federal Government--not to be outdone--recently jumped into this beastly war on bust by deporting a buxom Argentine temptress known as Dorismar. The Department of Homeland Security busted her as she exited the shower in nothing more than a bath towel (similar to the one seen on Osama bin Laden's head). The voluptuous female was allowed to dress before being handcuffed (leave it to the government to get even this wrong), and escorted to the airport where she and her husband were put on a plane to Argentina . Dorismar's attorney claims that the actress is legally within the US and had applied for alien status due to her (obvious) 'extraordinary talents.'

But the bust did not stop there, Cuban born model 'Sissi' was purported to have snitched out her dueling diva Dorismar to Homeland Security. In a press conference (this is news?) with her face covered with tears (that eventually dripped on to her bust) Sissi denied any involvement in Dorismar's deportation (perhaps she was caught thanks to a presidential wire tap).

Has humanity gone mad? Pamela Anderson--a woman seen on film physically abusing her husband (not that film)--now wants Colonel Sanders' (who's been dead for over 20 years) bust removed from the Kentucky Capitol building because she alleges that employees of the company he founded are mistreating chickens. The US Government raids the home of a starlet who has made countless public appearances in the US and deports her, yet it sends student visas to Mohammad Atta and his buddies nine months after they crashed their planes into the world trade center. Perhaps Thor is better off than humans who can actually 'think.'