America’s Sacred Pudenda: They Hate Us for Our Junk!

Column by Lawrence M. Ludlow.


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For too many Americans, history “began” on 9/11. Sadly, the same goes for their superficial sense of morality. It begins and ends with their pudenda – what they do with their sexual organs and what they allow others to do with them. Imbued with a Puritanism that has infested their collective psyche since the cold beginnings of their arrival in the New World, Americans will tolerate virtually any level of theft and mass murder as long as it is stamped with the U.S. government’s seal of approval and corresponds to their own views on sexuality. And that brings us to John Tyner’s recent (November 13, 2010) encounter with the TSA goons that inhabit the monkey cage at San Diego International Airport – and the public display of outrage that the incident has triggered.
I know nothing about Mr. Tyner’s politics, but I do know something about chicken-hawk voters in San Diego and the media outlets that are now crowing the loudest about being groped and poked by wanna-be proctologists wearing government costumes. And this is what I have learned: the Islamophobes do not care how many innocent people are killed by the U.S. government in Afghanistan, Iraq, or Pakistan. For them, U.S. wars of aggression can go on endlessly as long as they do not have to see, experience, or otherwise be inconvenienced by the bloodshed and destruction. They see no connection between U.S. government aggression and blowback terrorism – including the attack on 9/11. They see no connection between U.S. interventionism and government insolvency. The words “War Is Big Government” trigger no thoughts in the minds of these “fiscal conservatives.” For them, there is no moral limit to the acceptable level of violence inflicted by the U.S. military on others. But oh...oh!...OH!...OHHH!!! the outrage that is unleashed if a TSA goon views their pudenda in an airport Porn-a-tron or massages their gonads in public! That’s going way too far in this heroic land of Amurrrica!
In San Diego, the chicken-hawk radio talk-show hosts on the Clear Channel station (KOGO) and similar outlets (KFMB) have been crowing for more bloodshed in the Middle East for years. They feature hosts such as Rush Limbaugh, Michael Savage, Sean Hannity, Glenn Beck, Mark Levin, Rick Roberts, Roger Hedgecock, Chip Franklin, and Dr. Laura. But now, mirabile dictu, they feign outrage over the latest airport indecencies. Go figure. And put a dollar-sign on those figures while you’re at it. The wet fingers of these talk-hosts are regularly inserted into the winds of public opinion to gauge the direction of their next broadcasts. And at the present moment, the Midnight Ride of Paul Revere is not about “the British march[ing] by land or sea” but “TSA paws on my buttocks and junk.”
How ironic it would be if the insane War on Terror were ended not by public outrage over mass murder but by anger over airport scans and molestation. Truth is stranger than fiction, and history is full of examples of the right thing being done for the wrong reason – so I would not be too surprised. Would you? And please don’t get me wrong. Just because I was raised a Roman Catholic does not mean I am more likely to accept the finger-pointers from the TSA. I’ll trust any priest with a 6-year-old before I would leave a kid alone in a room with a TSA, IRS, FBI, CIA, NSA, or DEA agent – not to mention congress-critters, Supreme Court justices, senators, or presidents. I empathize with Mr. Tyner’s disgust and the response of so many Americans to this latest intrusion by government employees, but I have to ask: Where have you been for the last nine years? In any case, thanks for the outrage, Mr. Tyner. I only wish you had attempted to fly out of San Diego a few days earlier – on Veterans Day. Maybe Americans would have seen the proper connection.


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Lawrence M. Ludlow's picture
Columns on STR: 37

Lawrence Ludlow is a freelance writer living in San Diego.  


golefevre's picture

I recently watched the movie "Inception". It is quite good and a surprisingly heady movie. In the dreams, music or a sense of falling are examples of stimulus that alerts the dreamer that they are dreaming or to awaken. Although the "chains of tyranny" may "lay lightly upon our wrists," this latest incident may be such an event that awakens many a dreamer.

Lawrence M. Ludlow's picture

Dear golefvre: Yes, the ironies pile up on this one. I even have some suggestions for how to use the Porn-o-Trons and general airport situation in a socially uplifting way. For example, on national holidays (especially the heavily traveled ones), why not corral the congress-critters who favor these wars, place them in the various airports where passengers are waiting to be groped, and have these politicians (preferably those who ran against them in a recent election) grope and poke each other to "search" themselves" in front of the passengers -- with or without latex gloves. They currently have exempted themselves from this indignity, and it would restore some kind of karmic balance for citizens to see them forced to do to each other what is being done to us.

One such pairing -- kind of like a wine-and-cheese pairing -- would be the Clintons. It would probably be the only intimacy the two of them have had in years. And imagine how it would build in entertainment value because of their mutual hatred/disgust for each other. San Diego is full of opportunities. Like pairing Bob Filner (D, against the war, but pro-taxation) with Duncan Hunter Jr. (R, pro-mass-murder). With a name like Duncan Hunter, visions of dunkin' into Filner's underwear and "hunting" around come to mind. I don't want to know what Filner would do to Hunter. Sometimes a "visual" is way too much. Either way, airline passengers could get some comic relief if this kind of suggestion were taken up on a large scale.

wbertrand's picture

Yes indeed, Larry, the grope seen 'round the world! The TSA are coming...the TSA are coming!! I suppose this just goes to show that people will tend to suffer under the most tyrannical rule as long as their most personal property is not messed with. Just look at people living in communist dictatorships, or any dictatorship for that matter, or even slave societies (not to diminish the ills of our own, of course). Obedience to "authority," especially blind and reflexive, is apparently fine and dandy until the most concrete and immediate aspects of one's personal property are infringed upon...then individuals start waking up.

Well, better late than never. Yet, leave it to a politician to try to quell the outrage by introducing a Congressional Bill:

Ron Paul Introduces HR 6416: The American Traveler Dignity Act
(the speech)
(the legalese)

Unfortunately, this has practically nothing to do with American travelers' dignity, but rather with repealing immunity and subjecting those "in charge" to the same generate a little empathy, perhaps? What amazes me is how Paul speaks so matter-of-factly about those "in charge," i.e., the people in government. Hmm, why does he speak in such terms? Because he too has incorporated the obedience to "authority" meme. You can see the conflict in his own mind about the nature of disobedience too: on the one hand he issues solutions like having those "in charge" suffer the same indignities as the taxed-and-regulated populace as well as beseeching those "in charge" to support his directive for those "in charge" to back off a bit of their oppressive acts against us; and then, on the other hand he applauds the Opt Out Day activism that really strikes the root (at least in this matter). Of course, the fact that he doesn't resign from his "in charge" position speaks volumes about his stance on obedience to "authority."

Just as the TSA "procedures" are mere security theater that inculcate obedience, Congressional sausage like Paul's encourage people to remain trapped in the master/slave paradigm.

tzo's picture

Yes, this whole thing is typical of a civil disobedience campaign. Put pressure on the massa to please, please, change his laws to make it a bit easier for us citizens.

The structure's just fine, thanks. Just don't whup us quite so hard, OK?

Lawrence M. Ludlow's picture

Wes and Tzo: Yes, "Now, massa', you know you're only supposed to whip us with a regulation-length-and-thickness whip and use blue latex gloves instead of lavender to probe my cellulite-ridden a**. It says so right here in my UCC booklet #C-43 ver3.2.1.4 with the update addenda memo of 11-11-2010 as amended by appeal #48. If you keep this up, I'm going to report you to the authoriTAH, and Ron Paul will really get you in trouble. Big time!!! It will be on your PERMANENT RECORD, and then a commission will be appointed to make sure that it never happens again, and we'll all be fine from now on..."
...Larry runs from room tearing out his hair and disappears into the mist...

Lawrence M. Ludlow's picture

Exactly, Wes, see my comment to Tzo...

golefevre's picture

I do wonder if there is any cognitive dissonance within Ron Paul. He is ultimately a politician, so perhaps there is the answer.

And please don't compare the walking pukes in DC to wine and cheese. I actually LIKE wine and cheese!

Lawrence M. Ludlow's picture

Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa. It's the same mistake made when people besmirch the ladies of joy when they call politicians whores.