Kill "Em All and Let God Sort Them Out

Glad to say, I'm not a highly-paid court intellectual, or don't have three words in my name, or a Ph.D from some effete eastern university. So, I am reduced to using what creakingly passes for my common sense. Compared to the aforementioned groups, though, I'm a genius.

My common sense notes with great dismay that there is only one way an army can defeat guerillas: kill everyone. I don't mean an amateurish one million or two million or three million people, the way the US did in Vietnam . I mean go all Genghis Khan on them--waste everyone.

It's impossible for an army to tell who is a guerilla and who isn't. They're always befuddled, no matter what glowing reports they feed to the masses back home. Stripping people naked and stacking them into pyramids might help a tiny little bit, but it's not going to put an end to the guerilla problem. Moving up to pliers and fingernails would be much more effective. Cigarette lighters, too. They won't put an end to the guerilla problem, either, but they sure are an awful lot of fun if you're a sadist.

A guerilla might be a cab driver by day, and at night shoot an occupying soldier, even if he's a lousy shot and only gets one a month. That makes him a guerilla, right? Or is it a terrorist? Or is it a dead-ender? I wish the propagandists would make up their minds.

Since armies cannot tell who is and who isn't, the only way to put a permanent stop to guerilla warfare is to rub everyone out--men, women, children, babies. We don't need to go so far as they did in the old days and bump off the goats and sheep. They can't use mortars.

Ancient amoral pagans--which is what they were--rubbing everyone out put a permanent end to attacks. Remember what Rome did to Carthage ? No one can fight if everyone is dead.

So, I think we should use the Romans' lesson plan! No more pussyfooting around with those Iraqis and Aghans! Forget imposing the wacked-out leftist dream of democracy on them, or dragging them into the 20th Century. It won't work, and besides, it's for wusses. We need some more blood and iron, or, in the case of FreeRepublic, making water and weak knees.

We should do like National Review's nancy-boy Rich Lowry suggested--nuke Mecca and Medina ! Admittedly, nuclear weapons can be pretty dirty. Those two cities might be uninhabitable for a while, but you know the old saying, can't fuse the desert sand without vaporating a lot of people.

Besides, those two cities are surrounded by a couple of zillion square miles of sand. Who wants to live there, anyway? Just be precise with those nukes and make sure the oil wells remain untouched. All the soccer mommies with the SUVs and cellphones glued to their ears will be elated.

Maybe instead we should just set up death camps. Those Nazi blueprints must be lying around somewhere. I'm sure William Kristol, Paul Wolfowitz, Richard Perle, Max Boot, Douglas Feith and similar traitorous vermin would happily be the kommandants of such places. Kristol looks like Simon Bar Sinister, anyway.

Round up all those ragheads and march them right in! What was that Stalin said? "The death of one man is a tragedy. The death of a million men is a statistic"? Let's make all of them statistics.

And you know what? The guerilla problem will be ended permanently.

Okay, maybe not. My common sense tells me croaking everyone is a short-term solution, indeed a Pyrrhic victory. A people, a culture and a country that would off everyone would have to be so degraded and immoral they would collapse. Maybe that's why all those empires in the past that engaged in such activities are no longer around. The communists, the Nazis, the fascists--hey, where are those guys, anyway? I don't think we want to follow in their footsteps.

As Ernest Hemingway wrote, "You can wipe out your opponents. But if you do it unjustly, you become eligible for being wiped out yourself."

Ah, shoot--we are following in their footsteps, albeit not perfectly. Instead of setting up death camps, the US blockades countries for 10 years, leading to the deaths of hundreds of thousands of people. We get rid of our nuclear waste by making it into depleted uranium rounds and polluting other countries. The bloodthirsty sheeple cheer from the sidelines. We all know they have no intention of making their way to the front lines.

Maybe we should turn around and go the other way. And fast, too. Now that's a common-sense idea! Close down our over 700 military bases in three-quarters of the countries in the world, and bring all our soldiers home. Maybe the US shouldn't overthrow the governments of other countries and install tyrants who are our puppets. Like the late Shah of Iran. Or Saddam Hussein, for that matter. And quit siccing our military on other countries for the flimsiest of reasons.

Heck, at the end of World War I, after the Ottoman Empire imploded, the people in the Middle East asked America to administer the area. Surely they didn't think the US believed in Truth, Justice and the American Way ?

Maybe in those days we did. Now, we believe in empire. Instead of having colonies, we have military bases. That still makes us an empire, and empires always collapse, no matter what the soccer mommies and the chickenhawk sheeple think.

The State never has any common sense. I'll bet that saying was on the first tablets Moses broke.

If the State did have any common sense, we'd never have the problems we have now.

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Bob Wallace's picture
Columns on STR: 89