Osama Bin Laden Is "a Pussy"?

Why do I do it? Why do I torture myself by watching Fox News? For starters, I think it's vitally important to be constantly aware of how 'the other side' thinks, no matter how scary a dip into those viper-filled waters can be. And on a more practical level, I need to have white noise filling the room while I'm working.

So, it is mid-afternoon on Sunday, May 16. I'm poised at the keyboard, composing my latest op-ed piece for Strike The Root. Fox News is blaring in the background. Every so often I allow my eyes to wander to the tube. Fox News analyst 'Major' Bob Bevelacqua is being interviewed about the tinder box we have created in Iraq . Bob bores me to tears, so I'm guaranteed ten minutes of unimpeded writing while the former Army Green Beret with his neatly-trimmed goatee natters on and on.

'I think Osama Bin Laden is a pussy,' Bevelacqua declares. The terror mastermind, he explains, is 'a pussy' because 'he hides in caves.'

At this point I'm out of my chair and looming over the television, staring in gape-mouthed disbelief at this brainless loon. Did I hear this right? Is this what is passing for reasonable discourse on Fox News these days?

Osama Bin Laden is a pussy?

Don't get me wrong. I know that Fox News is the bastion of the Rosemary's babies of television journalists, but come on. I might expect this of Geraldo or the bug-eyed and opinionated Linda Vester, but this is one of Fox's 'expert' pundits, a man whose presence is to interpret world events for the viewer.

'Osama Bin Laden is a pussy.'

My wife, perched on the edge of the bed in front of the television, confirms that my ears did not deceive me.

Forget the new op-ed piece for a few minutes, I think. I log onto the internet and hike on over to the Fox News website, where I pull up this fool's bio.

Major Bob Bevelacqua, I read, is a former U.S. Army Green Beret who works with the WVC3 Group in Reston , Virginia , 'an elite security group that provides homeland security services, support, and technologies to government and commercial clients.'

Kind of vague. Can you elaborate some more?

'Bevelacqua has a 17-year history of worldwide military experience, including combat in the Gulf War.'

That will do it. Exposure to all those chemical weapons during the Gulf War could turn anybody into a frothing idiot willing to go on international television and call Osama Bin Laden a pussy.

Bevelacqua, the bio continues, engaged in 'riot control during the L.A. riots.'

Say what? I was here in L.A. during the riots. Is that why the LAPD retreated from the hot spots? So Bevelacqua and his goon squad could take control of the scene? I think this needs to be looked into a little more deeply.

Bevelacqua, I learn, has also played an integral role in 'numerous anti-drug missions on the U.S. border with Mexico .'

Who is this guy? Charles Bronson? Is this what Fox News has come to? Hiring arrogant mercenaries as talking heads? Is this what qualifies as civilized discussion in this nation?

With Bevelacqua's comment as inspiration, I propose we just napalm the hell out of Iraq and Afghanistan to boot. Just level the countries, turn them into mass parking lots, so there will be nothing more to discuss and we can keep these pussies from poisoning our airwaves.

Good Lord, this is getting insane.