"The censor believes that he can hold back the mighty traffic of life with a tin whistle and a raised right hand. For after all, it is life with which he quarrels." ~ Heywood Broun
Stop Worrying and Love the Bill
Column by Brian Anderson.
Exclusive to STR
To Our Devoted Citizens,
We’ve been hearing that a lot of you are upset with us—well, just the House of Representatives so far—for recently passing the National Defense Authorization Act for the fiscal year 2012. Luckily for Obama’s press secretary, the bill has not yet reached his desk. We did kind of tell you that he’d be vetoing the bill for its unconstitutionality (among other things), but, you know, we’re not going to recommend that anymore.
Quite frankly, we’re living in scary times. There are terrorists . . . everywhere. There are terrorists in your kitchen, on the trampoline in your backyard, and even under your bed. If that means unlawfully detaining American citizens without due process, so be it.
We’re going to protect the hell out of you whether you like it or not.
The ACLU called it “an historic threat to American citizens.” You know what else is an historic threat to American citizens? Terrorists.
A few politicians in our Congressional Clubhouse also chose to turn their backs on the State by speaking out against this indefinite detention clause. It doesn’t matter, though. No one likes them anyway. Ron Paul is old, Rand Paul is a racist, and Justin Amash’s last name sounds like a type of cooked potato; therefore their arguments are invalid.
So, yes, we will bring this piece of legislation to your doormat wrapped in the beautiful cloth of small government. It’s a federal power that we truly believe would have been approved by Thomas Jefferson himself.
After all, it was Thomas Jefferson who said, pointing to the Fifth Amendment, “I don’t really like this one.”
President Franklin Delano Roosevelt is, according to our historians without one doubt in the world, the single greatest president this country has ever had. Yet he bravely and amicably threw well over 100,000 Japanese people into internment camps during World War II. We don’t hear anyone complaining about that anymore, do we? And all with one executive order!
That’s because we all realize that every single person interned in those camps was a potential terrorist who could have been brainwashed by the Nazis, a regime so evil that it locked people up simply because of how they looked.
That ain’t my America.
You even get one of them democracy votes. You should feel so lucky to have this undeserved civility bestowed upon you by The Obama.
Stop worrying and love the bill,
The United States Government